Satirical cabaret chanson, upbeat 115 BPM, bright major tonality, playful and cheeky mood. Male vocal, rough tenor, theatrical delivery with clear diction and comic timing. Instruments: accordion lead, piano comping, acoustic guitar, upright bass, brushed drums, occasional cowbell for accent. Structure: verses laid‑back storytelling, choruses full and loud, bridge quieter and more ironic, outro high‑energy with call‑and‑response feel. The lyrics are a comedic take on diet gurus and online advice; keep the irony clear and the melody very singable.